Holy Thoughts

Holy Thoughts and wishful thinking

It is almost a year – short of 21 days since I returned to India and settled in Coimbatore since then.

When looking through the window, one can see the limited outer area which enables the person to see people walking, animals passing, children playing, vendors announcing their commodity for sale, and similar scenes.

If the same person comes out he will see a lot more, like the stretch of the street, greenery on either side, neighbors talking to each other, children running to school or to catch their transport, will hear creeping noise generated by the vehicles and much more.

If the person can access, to the balcony or terrace above his house, the glimpses will be different. He can see a vast area around him, a wider sky, and beautiful landscape covering several square kilometers and so on;

The eyes will cover much more as the person goes up further – say see things from the top of the building several stories above the ground. The wind will be pleasant and cool with its breeze, larger structures will look like tiny objects, people will be seen as moving toys and the whole situation will be mind bogging.

A view using a pair of binoculars will be far more spectacular with stunning view reaching up-to several kilometers.

This is just the level of differences between the ground and top of the building in the same space.

Now think of the life’s changes from childhood to several years into life, where the basic exposure is same as the above analogy.

The God’s gift (baby) has people to pamper, look after and taking care and to meet the needs every time it (the baby) cries or makes some kind of noise or gesture.

Few months in to this world and exposure to reality makes the child wonder what is happening around him / her. Sooner the baby learns some basics and communication to deal with parents / others who throng at him and is confirmed the most intelligent of its kind ever born in the family.
Gradually, the scene changes from affection to control, imposing of the same makes the child to get naughty and vulnerable to dictations by parents.

Here comes the initial frustration, though not shown for the sake of elders / relatives and neighbors.

Infant changes from baby to child within a span of few months. - absorbing everything that can hear or see in the previous months of observations. Suddenly, everyone hears lots of expressions and gestures one after the other which is interpreted to suit every one’s imagination.

Moving quickly, this childhood passes thru other stages and into manhood / womanhood.

Up to this level of growth, it was like a fast track, and easy going to most, as they are under the care of parents for everything and suddenly thrown on their own with an academic qualification and dream about the life in front for years to come.

The reality bites. The individual thinks about having a decent job, good salary, and opportunities to make money in establishing a life of his own at the fastest possible period, besides a desire to live on his own preferably far better than his ancestors / predecessors.

During this stage of progress, most people forget their friends, family responsibilities and, domestic liabilities. They forget what made them to reach this level, and how much hardship was put into in bringing a baby to adulthood.

All of a sudden, the thoughts are different. Associates are different; attitude is different, affection and love towards kith and kin left in the air and so on;

Only very few children grow up maintaining family values, retain virtues and remain loyal and committed to elders. The transit in most cases, rob the individual of his good nature and core values simply because, they do not have proper guidance any more. There is no one to hold his hands and take him through the right path or lift him when needed to cross thorny lanes.

They have no time to look back – in to the good old times and seek advise from elders to remain on track.
Seeing similar situation in most cases now, I wonder what I have done to the society in my life – span of 50 years.

I’m happy that I have contributed for the development of all my family members without any great expectations from them.

But as I said earlier, I have not done anything to the society yet. I need to do something to the society, to which I belong and which is taking care of me.

At times, I feel sorry for chasing people to maintain communication with me, listen to my words, or expecting them to be like they were in childhood.

I forget, they too have grown up, raised their families, developed a whole new circuit of their own and have hardly time to remember the past or maintain the old habit or listen to me.(any more.)

I forget, that priorities have changed for all and are different for different person and has got its own character.

Some times, I look back into my past and laugh to myself of the situation that has changed in the past 50 years. I refuse to accept the change but for the aging of my body parts.

I never realize, how others will be, what could be the reason for their indifference towards me (despite my regular communication,) or why they are not like me, or did I make mistakes or blunders that affected them. No answer.

I think of some of my good friends, few of them are not around any more, wonder what makes me to think like this and why am I different in this aspect. No answer again.

At times, I realize that my life span is not going to be extended to another 60 years and worry about my ZERO contribution / work towards the society.

I always wondered when I see a tall and spacious building, and excited further when seeing its content and admired the vastness of its structure.

Bust, going through this process very frequently, made the building looks shorter and shorter each time I saw it.
Like that, the very thought – of having gone thru the life’s cycles at different situations frequently, gives me strength to face more of such situations. At the same time, I have no patience to put up with it any more.

If you are in an aero plane, and looking thru the window, you will see the world as a small semi/ hemisphere and wonder about your identity downstairs at other times.

Similarly, I always wonder, how different are the people around me though, we all live on this planet.

I think each one is different from me, and have own commitments and priorities that make them a limited edition in the society.

I think my time ahead is to concentrate on doing something to the society, or at-least stay quietly without bothering others for the rest of my life, leaving them on their own, but only respond to genuine communications at times.

It is a bit funny though, to think that I had too many friends in the school and college days, plus few in my work places, but left with a handful that too hesitating to reciprocate as before. I console myself, telling that the life is different for all and I should not complaint.

My prolonged absence in my own place has made me a stranger in my place. I always believed that people stay around for long. Then I realize that many have gone for ever, to different locations, some have left for leading eternal life, and many are strangers to me altogether.

I think that I’m confusing myself and others by frequently compelling on certain common ethics which are not in force any more. This is probably, due to my association with Europeans and Americans for long time, besides, my nature of convincing every one about my thoughts on everything which need not be universal.

I need to confine myself, to a different mould which will only be transparent as needed and to suit the situation around me now. Such an identity must be ideal for me to lead the evening of life, and to exit gracefully.

Now I know, my true age.