Deepavali / and My Mother

Importance of being my Mother
Remembering her on this Deepavali Day

Deepavali comes but once in a year. I’m not a very religious person when it comes to celebrating any festival. I did not know of significance of a festival except there is a possibility of getting a new dress and plenty of special items to eat – sumptuously.

I can remember my first Deepavali in the year 1962. We did not celebrate the festival in 1961, as we lost my maternal grandfather in that year. I cannot remember previous deepavali celebrations ever.

Deepavali was in October in 1962. Traditionally, we get up, at 4.30 AM on that day, take oil bath in hot water, take some idyllis and sweets and try to set fire crackers, and walk away with friends in the neighborhood, boasting about our dresses, capability in getting volumes of crackers.

(My mother prepares idyllis, mysorepak, and ribbon pakoda , besides mixer. We children only helped in consuming these items)

On this Deepavali Day, we were up by 4.30 AM and taking oil bath one by one. I took my turn first as I wanted to be in the lead. During this time, I heard music – natha swaram by a group of musicians in the street. There were a team of musicians who, took a tour of the area and played special music in every house in the early hours. This is known as MANGALA ISAI.

Those who had radio could also listen to the name in the radio station – Madras-2. I think they still broadcast this music even in these years.

When the musicians came to our house as well, I let them in, and they played music appropriate to Deepavali. It was only for few minutes. Suddenly my father came shouting and yelling at them not to play music in our house and asked them to leave. Hearing the noisy situation, my mother came running, with a plate with betel leaves, bananas, and a silver coin of FOUR ANNAS. Quickly I grabbed it and gave the same to the person appeared to be their leader.

This incident damaged the atmosphere of my first Deepavali. My father quarreled with my mother and did not take breakfast, till very late in the morning. In the meantime, I left the house and walked around the various neighborhoods, in the middle of the noise caused by fire crackers and bright lights produced by such crackers with and without noise. Some were creating deafening noise as people were setting fire to Atom Bombs.

My brothers and sisters were too small to understand the situation. I met my friend Ram Mohan whose father was working at the Tiruppattur municipality. He was in the same boat as me when it came to financial conditions. He had elder sisters and brothers while I was the eldest in my family.

Ram told me that he is happy by seeing others celebrating the festival and has no complaints. He also came around and we jointly visited few of our friends around. In some houses we got sweets as they were wealthier than us and had no problems in sparing sweets. My friends from affluent families came with us with crackers and we went to the nearby ground and set fire to all the fire crackers. I remember very clearly the time I came home by 9.30 AM. My mother scolded me for not being there with my brothers and sisters.

We played around till lunch and we tried to forget the morning incident, but it was haunting us. My sister told me that why our parents could not buy any basic lighting items if not fire crackers. In the after noon, my mother gave me TWO RUPEES and asked me to buy some color matches, needle crackers and long stick like lightening rods which made noise when lit.

So, we regained our happiness and my sisters asked me to buy as much items as possible for use in the night. I over ruled their demand and agreed to do so with major share of the items. I went out to buy some items. Since Deepavali was already over, I could get extra items within the amount of TWO rupees.

My father was normal towards the evening and joined us in bursting the needle crackers, as we feared the thicker ones which father said to be dangerous. So, my father tied the needle cracker at the end of his walking stick and I set fire to it. Soon it was set on fire, my father moved it away from us and the cracker went up in smoke with noise and bright light.

We had dinner – dosa (pan cake) and small quantity of sweets. There were new sweets and I learned that were from neighbors, who shared our home made sweets as well. My mother cautioned us not to consume too much as we could end up with stomach problems. She normally gave us some kind of choornam / paste made of some Ayurvedic ingredients, which protected our stomachs from getting worse, as we needed to eat and consume all the items within the next few days as chances of getting the again was dim.

It was quiet after dinner except for some occasional cracker noise from outside. My brothers and sisters were busy talking about the day, spoke about their new dress which they showed to friends earlier in the day – as I was out. They asked mother to consider buying better dresses for the next deepavali.

Some how, my mother gave a kind of satisfactory reply, to my brothers and sisters. Then they all went to bed. Going to bed was not like getting into individual rooms like these days, but to the hall with common beds for all, spread from end to end of the hall, leaving a small passage to the main entrance on one side and, kitchen on the other.. I was not in a mood to sleep, as the morning incident was haunting me repeatedly.

My mother too was upset and she called me to the small veranda at the entrance of the house. There were no chairs or cushions there. There was a gunny bag which served as the doormat and I sat on it while my mother was on the floor. There was no new sari for my mother; she wore one that was seldom used (on wedding days once in a blue moon). We had possibly the cheapest dress material which was stitched to become a shirt or pairs of half pants. Some of her ornaments were pledged for meeting school fees (One sovereign was sold at Rs.150 in that year). My mother nearly broke down as she narrated these situations, and , about the unpleasant event that took place in the early hours of the day. Here is what my mother told me on that day:

“The root cause for this incident was lack of money to even observe a festival, let alone celebrate in a grand manner. Your father has to remit some money to his parents who are also like us. Your grand father is a retired teacher with a poor pension, and your father being the eldest son, must help him as much as possible. But your grandfather is not insisting his other sons to support him so that the responsibly is spread equally to all. You are our eldest son, elder to all your brothers and sisters who are still very young and cannot understand matters related to money and the lack of it in our family. Your father earns about Rs.300 a month, has to meet all expenses including the house rent of Rs.40, besides electrical bill of Rs12 PM, spare at least Rs.50 for your grandfather, buy monthly ration, meet school fees for you all and there is not much left for festival or related expenses. Now, we are supported by your uncles – my brothers - who also are in the same conditions but not married yet. We cannot expect them to provide life long support or expect them to look after our needs at all times. You are our only hope, you should study well; become an earning member as fast as possible, so that we will be in an improved status of our financial condition. I promised my mother,( on that day) that I will study well, look after every one in the family, make enough money so that we will not take money from others but give to others as soon as possible. I will make sure, that we all will study well, become better than any one from both sides of our relatives, and do everything to achieve this status.

To-day on this Deepavali day, I’m happy that I accomplished what I promised to my mother. Spent a lions’ share of my hard earned income for the benefit of all my brothers, sisters, in-laws and of course parents as well. All the pledged ornaments were retrieved, new ones made, all sisters given education, got them, married; saw them living better than myself. I hardly had a cycle in the age by which my brothers and sisters purchased own cars and send children to the best schools and challenged each other including me and forgot me in the end. It is nice to experience such a status in life, as I no longer need to worry about them, and can give them freedom to upset me or abuse me under the heap of their wealth as they no longer can look back thru the thorny path they walked from. I do so as I love to remember my past and thank GOD for supporting me.
With these thoughts, I’m going to get a treat at the hands of my children, who wanted me and my wife to accept it as their humble gesture towards us – some time in December this year.
My mother would have celebrated her SATHABISHEGAM in the same month, had she not died in 2006.

As remembered on 14-10-2009